By David Oppenheim, Douglas F. Goldsmith
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Extra info for Attachment Theory in Clinical Work with Children: Bridging the Gap between Research and Practice
CLINICIAN: You’re doing real well with him here. MOTHER: I know, but that’s because we’re at the doctor’s office. Comment: The mother elaborated more about the baby’s failure to comply with her expectations. By not doing “what he is supposed to do,” he left her feeling both disappointed and angry with him. Note that she said explicitly that she could not “satisfy” him, echoing her Constructing a Relationship Formulation 19 description of her relationship with her mother. She also revealed some insight into the pressure of her own need for him to be a particular way in order to satisfy her.
He seems like he was gonna try to bully me to do just what he wanted . . ” In a follow-up query, Anna was asked what about Tom’s behavior on the video led her to these conclusions. She answered: “ Well, in that particular segment, though? Not that whole play? . Oh, he was fine. I think he was just fine. Really. ” In this example we can see how Anna’s negative attributions colored her perception of the segment she watched. Anna’s initial response refers to Tom’s negative behavior (“he likes to control everything”) and she elaborates the point and provides the impression that the entire interaction was negative.
I just can’t get enough of him as far as loving him goes. Ah, even though I obviously have to go to the bathroom and take a shower after a while. CLINICIAN: And it’s a lot of pressure on your relationship with him. MOTHER: Well, I feel like maybe I put too much of my expectations into him. I feel already like if he isn’t smart enough or athletic enough or whatever, and I guess a lot of middle-class people do that. But I want to, I want to, I just want to be happy, but I feel I just have such a huge responsibility to make him live up to his potential or whatever.